Couples retreat 2022

As part of our mini getaway, we spent Friday evening and an entire Saturday at The Wilds of New England for a couples retreat.  Housing for couples is limited on the campsite, so we usually get a hotel or Airbnb for that night so we don't have to be driving home late Friday night and then heading back to the retreat early on Saturday morning.

This time we stayed at the cute cottage referenced in this post: A mini getaway.  You can read more about the cottage here: Trailside Cottage, if you are interested.

Yes, that was the cottage where we had to pass this gorgeous autumnal pond coming and going:

The photo at the top of the post and the one just below were taken on the Saturday afternoon at The Wilds of New England.  Such lovely colorful trees!

We always enjoy this retreat so much.  It has become an important part of our fall.  In fact, we are at the point where we don't want to miss it.  The fact that we need to get an Airbnb or other lodging turns it into an overnight getaway, so that's even nicer.  It also gives us some time together to talk over what we have learned or are learning.  Sometimes, we even take two nights -- Thursday and Friday -- so we can spend some time exploring the area the day before the retreat.  That's how we got the photo below, last year:

 
As usual, the Bible teaching at this year's couples' retreat did not disappoint.  Our speaker was Brian Trainer, and although he spoke on Marriage 101, it was by no means too basic for us, even though we've been married for decades.  We picked up a number of really important concepts (and also a few easy but effective tips) and we will be implementing these into our marriage.  

One of the really important ones is that if both spouses are believers, then they are not only husband and wife but brother and sister in Christ.  Now, Mr. T and I understood this and have even remarked on it a few times.  But Brian expanded on this and pointed out that, as brother and sister in Christ, we are responsible for all the biblical "one another" instructions, including admonishing and encouraging one another.  Food for some deep, deep thought.  I think that many times we are prone to not treat our own spouse with the respect we would other believers.  On the other hand, I think I've sometimes hesitated to admonish my husband, wondering if it might be disrespectful.  As with so many things, balance is so important, right?

One of the smaller tips (with a potentially big impact) we picked up in the last session: if it seems like something is amiss between you, ask your spouse the question: 

"Are we okay?"

Sometimes everything is fine between you, but one spouse is dealing with some other difficulty and is coming across as if things are not okay.  In that case it opens the door for the hurting spouse to say that yes, we are fine, but I'm upset, stressed, or whatever over this other thing.  

Or sometimes things are not okay between you and need to be brought out into the open and worked through.

A related tip (it seems to me, anyway) came up in the Q&A session with Brian and his wife Sherry.  They noted that often in a marriage, one person is a night owl and another has a brain that shuts down at 9 pm.  So if a "robust discussion" looks like it will go past 9 pm, just stop right there.  Pause the discussion, pray, and make a concrete plan to continue the discussion at a specific time, over coffee, a meal, etc. at a better time for both of you.  This not only enables you to go to bed without "letting the sun go down upon your wrath"; it also moves the problem into a solution-oriented phase.  

To me these two tips are worth their weight in gold.  They are just a sample of the great things to be learned at a couples' retreat or conference.

Do you live in New England?  Why not plan to attend a retreat at at The Wilds of New England next fall?  In addition to the couples' conferences we enjoy so much, they also offer retreats for men, women, and even a one-day retreat for seniors.